STATUS_QUO.php
<?php
$dev = Life::currentUser();
$average_job = Job::currentJob($dev);
try {
$mundane_queue = $average_job->continueGrind();
$mood = $mundane_queue
->attemptSpeedup()
->supressOpinion()
->avoidManager()
->prayItsFriday();
$mood->assertFalse(MOOD_FRUSTRATION);
}
catch (StagnancyException | LamenessOverflow $dead_end) {
$dev->stopCrying()->give($_COOKIE);
unset($average_job);
$opportunity = (new CareerOpportunity($dev->desiredRole()))
->withEngagingProjects(TRUE)
->withChallengeVariety(OVER_9000)
->withInnovativeTeam(TRUE)
->withPolitics(NULL)
->withLearningFrequency(LEARN_CONTINUOUS)
->withFlexHours(TRUE)
->withLongTermGrowth(PHP_INT_MAX);
dbrand::career($opportunity)
->apply($dev);
}
POST_MORTEM.txt
Clear your breakpoints and stop debugging your life. You made it this far, now make a difference as part of our savant technology team, growing in a company where there is no ceiling. Just freeze your execution stack one last time; you’re going to have to prove yourself. Let’s see if you’ve got what it takes…
# Working at dbrand is as rewarding as it is demanding.
---
responsibilities:
- Build robust, testable, reusable, and well-documented system extensions in the form of custom Drupal modules.
- Spearhead various back-end projects varying from designing database structures and relationships, to implementing external APIs and bridging the gap between back-end and front-end.
- Extend and improve in-house Drupal codebase and library as needed with full documentation and reasonable test coverage.
- Build and maintain an automated testing suite throughout our custom application logic.
- Architect, integrate, and refine a reporting suite, providing the data required to make informed decisions and improve efficiencies across our entire organization.
- Maintain a mindset of continuous improvement in order to identify opportunities in other departments, such as Customer Experience, Order Fulfillment, Inventory, and R&D.
- Work closely with DevOps to optimize back-end website functionality, and improve server performance and scalability.
- Remain involved in seeking learning opportunities and sharing relevant knowledge among the team.
optional_responsibilities:
- Take DevOps at dbrand to the next level.
- Reimagine and maintain internal repository composition.
- Build in-house tools and solutions for other departments.
- Take it to the front-end and operate as a full-stack engineer.
- Innovate in a plethora of other projects across the company, taking part in research and decision phases and coming up with innovative solutions.
DEPENDENCIES.json
{
"required": {
"PHP": "Extraordinary development proficiency in PHP",
"PS": "Ability to solve complex problems and acquire new skill sets along the way",
"OPP": "Rich track record of excellence",
"SQL": "Confidence in querying, joining, and manipulating large datasets",
"GIT": "Version controlling projects and resolving conflicts",
"D7": "Experience with Drupal 7 and corresponding best practices",
"FE": "Solid working knowledge of HTML, SASS, and ES7",
"CLI": "Rich experience working from and with command line interfaces",
"RE": "Experience in working with Regular Expressions",
"COMM": "An impeccable communication skills",
"MIND": "A mindset that is detail-oriented, self-reliant, resourceful, organized and proactive",
"TEAM": "The instinct to help peers thrive and the openness to learn from their experiences",
"GROW": "Commitment to long-term growth and learning opportunities",
"CULT": "A genuine enthusiasm for the current state of smartphone and mobile tech"
},
"optional": {
"PY": "Experience in Python 3 (or Go), or interest in learning the basics",
"DOC": "Previous exposure to containerization via Docker or Docker-based tools",
"CI": "Experience or interest in Continuous Integration"
}
}
MOMENT_OF_TRUTH.md
Still think you have what it takes to develop a killer CMS that powers our ability to sell overpriced electronic tape that looks cool?
**To be perfectly honest, we doubt it.**
That said, our company was built on the idea that every assumption can be proven wrong. Your move.
COMPANY_HISTORY.html
<p>
Founded on 11-11-11, dbrand is the global leader in the development, manufacturing, and direct-to-consumer online distribution of customization and impact protection products for flagship electronic devices.
</p>
<p>
Our core values, the ones that have accelerated dbrand from a basement operation to the pervasive eCommerce brand it is today, are focused around an aggressively competitive mindset. By joining our team, you'll surround yourself with colleagues who endlessly pursue perfection and thrive on performance optimization.
</p>
PERKS.diff
--- /dev/null
+++ b/perks.yml
@@ -0,0 +1,9 @@
+- Choice of technology (macOS/Linux/Windows)
+- Pre-configured coding environment with automated definitions, look-ups, and linting
+- Best in class, ergonomic equipment (LG 34" Ultrawide monitors, sit/stand desk, leather chair, and noise-cancelling Bose QC35 IIs)
+- Flexible hours
+- Paid training opportunities (conferences, courses/certificates)
+- Unlimited skins, phone cases, screen protectors
+- Relaxed team environment (casual dress, refreshments and lunches, social events)
+- Opportunity to meet visiting influencers/partners
+- Basketball court, billiards table, foosball table, gaming nights